only if we run a train.
done.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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