babies were throwing up all over the place
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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