so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
