Jerry, you need to find god
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
