I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
