I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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