There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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