The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
