I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
