Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
