Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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