Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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