that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize