Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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