I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
