You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this will be a night to untag.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
