last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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