doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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