I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
