toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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