I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Every concussion has its silver lining
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
