I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
