Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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