I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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