He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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