so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The uberlube is also flammable
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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