"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
