He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
