All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
