I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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