That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
