I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
