someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
