At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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