omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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