Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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