hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
