wakey wakey hands off snakey
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
