It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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