I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
