the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
