I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
