My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
