I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
