there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
