I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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