tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
