Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
