If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
