But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
