I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
