I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You can't just leave with hair like that
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
