can we get nightvision for the apartment?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
