There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
