I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
