Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
