i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
