help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
