I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
