Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
