when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
